When anyone at Chelsea Football Club opens his mouth he's using double speak. Read below what they really mean.

Chelsea Player:

Before I signed I asked some players about the club and they said they were a great club with great values and fantastic fans.

What He Means:

Before I signed for the club I asked some players about the club and they said: 'Yeah, they do pay on time!

Chelsea Player:

Before I signed I asked some players about the club and they said they were a great club with great values and fantastic fans.

What He Means:

Forgot to mention, they pay what they say they will!

Chelsea Player:

I love Chelsea for 1000s of reasons and they are called the fans.

What He Means:

I love Chelsea for 1000s of reasons and they've all got the Queen's head on em.

Chelsea Executive:

We have a vision, a 5 year plan, to be the biggest club in the world.

What He Means:

We're going to be bigger than Fulham.

Chelsea Executive:

No-one can deny Avram Grant has done a great job in difficult circumstances,

What He Means:

Here's your P45, Avram

Chelsea Executive:

It's not the Chelsea way to comment on unfounded speculation on the future of our manager.

What He Means:

You still here, Avram?

Chelsea Executive:

That's an interesting question you pose. Sadly, we will have to consider moving to a bigger ground. We are at maximum potential at Stamford Bridge and a new bigger stadia will, of course, accomodate more fans.

What He Means:

Your having a laugh!

Chelsea Player:

Yes, there were a number of clubs, including from abroad, who expressed an interest but how could I not sign for this great club?

What He Means:

I got the pay rise

© ~ Paul Page

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